Since Facebook opened up their interface for outside applications, it’s gone pretty much down hill. There are some apps that are worthy tie-ins, but most of them are just crap. (Please, no more zombie vs alien invites.)
The app I kinda like is the Compare People one. You do this hot-or-not style match up with your friends against many different questions and eventually you get “ranked” based on how many of your friends picked you for X category, such as “Who would you rather be stuck on a desert island with?” It’s also neat because Compare People doesn’t know cliques/social subgroups, so it has you compare high school friends with that one girl you took a class with three years ago but hardly know. Between her and your baritone playing friend from junior high who you also haven’t talked to in 10 year, you search your soul and try to decide which one is the best salsa dancer. Fuck if I know.
Also, in true Facebook annoying app form, it sends you emails everytime friends rank you. They also send a summary, from time to time, to let you know how you’re doing. And that’s why I’m posting again. You, blogosphere. You, the Facebookosphere, have spoken.
I am #1 for “person with the best hair.”
That’s right. I have been compared in this category multiple times, and you, the voters, the academy, have chosen me to have the best hair 100% of the time. Thank you.
I’ve never really thought about my hair as a bread winning feature. You see, I try to dazzle with my wit, my knowledge of stupid trivia, and my basic control of balance and bodily functions. My hair is just something that sits on my head, costs me $25 to groom every month or so, and turns slightly lighter in the summer months. Beyond that, I don’t really think about my hair.
But you do. And you love it.
Of course, I was also ranked “most punctual” — which I’m not sure if that’s in relationship to the rest of my family, or based on Kenny-time (the standing assumption that I will be 20 minutes late to any set appointment.) (Good relationships are all about managing expectations.) If I was doing a self-evaluation, I would not rank punctuality as one of my strong points.
You also said I was “best to hang out with for a day” — which I understand is just a veiled way of saying, “but living Hell to hang out with after the fourth day.” I get it. We need our space. It’s not you, it’s me.
So those were the good parts. (You knew this was coming.) Areas for improvement? “most likely to succeed” Ouch. Nothing like losers voting against you on a lame website telling you you’ll go nowhere in your life. Good thing I don’t have self-esteem issues. Also, a category where I usually fell to my opponent — “coolest” (At this point, this should come as no surprise to anyone still reading this.)
The Internets can be so cruel.
So anyway, if Facebook is your thing, go check out apps.facebook.com/comparepeople — rank your friends, exert your influence via online social networking, feel good about yourself until you get that first summary email. Do whatever you want.
Just don’t mess with my hair.
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